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Vol. I, No. VIPoetryMorgan Collado

The Chapbook

How to be a Douchebag

The room as darkAs your mindThe stage as brightAs my scrutinyAnd you walkFull of vacantMasculine swaggerYour wordsDevoid of meaningBullshit pouringOut of your mouthSplattering all over the stageConfusing sexismFor philosophyYour trite and hollow poetryMasquerading asProfundity

School is inSessionSo take a seatAnd remember thatReadingIs Fundamental

You sayWe are equalSay that there is noDifferenceIn our experienceBut justListenTo the millions of womenWho are victimsOf domestic violenceJust readAbout the millions of womenWho are assaulted and rapedBy menWho thinkWe are equalYou say“I should just be able to complimentA beautiful woman”But all I can thinkAboutIs what that man whisperedAs he tore at my crotchAnd violated the most intimate parts of myself“You are just so beautiful”“How could I resist”You sayYou feel objectifiedBut whenWas the last timeA strangerFollowed you down the streetHurling complimentsAt your unwilling earsWhen was the last timeSome asshole commanded youTo smileWhen was the last timeYou felt unsafeBecause you thought someone would sexually assault youWhen was the last timeSomeone called youA bitchHoeSlutCuntDykeBecause you denied some strangersAdvances

The thing isDudeYou can’t sayThe same sexist shitThat society tells womenAnd be a feministYou can’t be “for equality”When you fail to see the disparitiesThat keep us unequalMatter of factYou wouldn’t know whatFeminism wasIf it fucked youMatter of factYou are not entitledTo a woman’sAffection or attentionJust because you area Nice Guy™You do not get a cookieFor meeting the standardsOf being a decent person

But pleaseKeep crying those salty motherfucking tearsAbout how hard itMust be to beA manIn a world dominated by menBut by all meansContinue to regale meWith all those storiesOf how youAre such a misunderstoodNice Guy™But hold upBefore you do thatDo us aKindnessAnd fuck off

About this poem

First published on A Trip to the Morg in .

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