What do I do with this yearning? This yawning hungerThis gnawing emptiness In my heartRightHereWhere she was
Visibility is an odd thing Ostensibly DesiredBut while othered DangerBeing the only one Means nobody has your back
And I’m back Where there are girls like meEverywhereI’m surrounded By people who look like meBut she isn’t here
I yearn Nature’s Valley Sweet and Salty NutMakes me think of herI look To the shape of the SandiaAnd see her face The rain falls and I remember Her touch on my skinMy phone surfaces Image after image I set eachInto verse I fuckAnd I fuck And I fuckTry to lose myself in someone elseButnothing eases this AcheThis missing herThis wondering what she’s ThinkingHow she’s feeling Where’s she’s goingDoes she thinkAbout me too?
Community is a vital thingTo see yourself reflected In othersLife savingIts tiedTo a placeTo landTo something immovableYou orient yourself Around community
Community is who you loveAnd this world has Driven Lines between Where my loves areCleavedI am twice tornHere and yet thereThere and yet hereI cannot be there for tooLongI’m too big Too Trans Too MeAnd I can’t be hereWithout missing her
I don’t have a clean resolution HereMorass and complex feelingsRelief and grief bothLearning to live with myself Alone Is hard